Pivotal Moments Part 3

What are all these Pivotal Moments posts about?

My friends and I went to the new Jaya Jusco shopping mall in Seremban last night but I wasn't in the mood the whole evening. While sitting on a bench waiting for the girls to finish shopping, I spotted an Indian toddler walking alone, with her parents following behind. I was immediately transported back to my childhood.

When I went shopping with my parents, I would be asked to do the same as well - walk in front. But I never liked to do so. I preferred walking behind them so I know where they turned. My primary fear was that they would leave me alone or I didn't follow them.

And in fact, it has happened before. I would turn around and to my shock, they aren't there! I would usually try to calm myself and look for them. I had to reassure myself that no, they didn't abandon me. But I remember feeling hurt anyway, that they would leave me alone. They were usually just around the supermarket aisle, but I was traumatised anyway.

Actually, I wouldn't have remembered that if not for a similar event earlier. We went to Jaya Jusco in two cars, and I arrived first. While waiting for the other car, we entered Popular book store and browsed around. However, after reading some books I realized that everyone else had deserted me. They didn't bother to notify me or anything of that sort.

I was hurt but I kept a brave face. I was annoyed but I didn't show it. I walked around the mall alone for the better half of the hour. "Hey, I've done this before," I consoled myself. But there's no denying it - I disliked how they left me there alone.

Reflecting back, I think that these two separate events are somehow related. I have been conditioned to be a macho guy - never crying, never breaking down. When I'm abandoned, I'll keep walking and tell myself it's OK. They never really left you. Just keep walking. Show a brave face. Keep walking. You'll soon find them. Keep walking. No need to be angry. Keep walking.

Just keep walking.