19 February 2009

They Say...

At a gathering last night, some of the things they said...

"You should go do pushups"
"You need to eat more. Keep eating!"
"Go work on your shoulders, back, and chest"
"So-and-so said you'll look really good if you just bulk up a bit more"

All the while I just smiled, nodded, and kept quiet. Did they bother to ask what I WANTED? Did they ask if I was HAPPY right where I am now? I wished they asked that before launching into their Fitness Tip of the Night.

Now, I know that they mean well and their intentions are good, but I can't help but wonder - are they merely projecting their own insecurities onto me? All around, I see people obsessed with their weight (too fat/too thin), their love life (he loves me/he loves me not), their face (my acne is killing me), and their habits (i like smoking, so what). Has anyone bothered to ask me what's my obsession before giving (mis)guidance for my life?

When I was very young I was skinny. Then I got fat in school. In old photos I looked like I had an unhealthy tendency to store huge wads of cotton wool in my mouth. And now, somehow, I'm thin again. Frankly I've never felt better in my life. I may be thin, and I may not be well-muscled, but fuck I am damn satisfied.

My internal stats are good and I know I'm not suffering from elevated health risks as a result of obesity. I know I'm not anorexic (I don't eat something and feel disgusted with myself). I know I DON'T look in the mirror and keep telling myself to get thinner. This is just how my body is responding and I'm fine with it.

However (and this is the part where I turn my back on what I just wrote), I am a group fitness instructor. Think about it: someone who espouses fitness on the stage for gym members to emulate.

Fitness + Vanity = Not a good combination.

So, I'll give this weight gaining thing a try. I'm not looking forward to stuffing myself silly... and then forcing another mouthful just to be sure. Not looking forward to all the dead animal protein I'll be taking in. Not looking forward to all the stress that eating meat will put on my body (sorry, my liver!). Not looking forward to calculating calories and then drowning myself in milk/whey protein at night because I didn't eat enough that day.

Mamma mia, here we go again! Serves me right for choosing to join a vanity fair. Children, be warned.

1 comment:

Mark said...

Yes, I get your point. Ultimately, the most important thing is that you're HAPPY and SATISFIED with where you are now. Don't let anyone sway you if you like where you are right now.

If you're not, you can always crank up the effort to improve yourself.